Ok lets get this over with, games that I have bought/played recently reviewed in as little words as possible. Lets focus on if they’re any good, and if you should purchase them with your hard earned, taxed dollars.

Heavy Rain - Don’t bother, boring, slow paced interactive drama based wholly around quick time events. Promised to be such much more, actually just a cow pat.

Bioshock 2 - Not terrible, the original however shits on it from a story / map layout point of view. Also the weapons were unconvincing and let me more or less confused as to which weapon was suitable for particular situations. Nothing really stood out. Didn’t conjure up the majick of the first game for me, I’m tempted to go back and play the first one again. If you haven’t got the original, buy that cheaper and have more fun.

Mass Effect 2 - Developed for a console this time around, instead of what they should have done, expanded on the first developed for a PC audience. It shows. No health bars, pathetic “all in one” buttons that allow you to do simple things such as “run”, “take cover” and “interact” all in one press dependant on where you are and what you might be doing. It works alright but it’s not patch, again, on the original. You can’t even fucking crouch for fucks sake, the whole combat system in the first game relied on you being accurate by crouching strategically and taking aim for the best part. Again, buy the first, get this if you really want to. I wouldn’t bother.

Demons Souls - fucking sadistically hard. So much so that the guys at dustructoid couldn’t award it a score because they simply couldn’t finish it. Respect to them for trying and failing, just as I did. Two hours of my play wiped out in one fell swoop by an attack I couldn’t fucking see coming, another 50 minutes spent trying to reclaim said awards from my “bloody corpse”… which wasn’t there when I finally made it back. Don’t bother, only for very, very sad people who don’t have anything better to do.

The guy Yahtzee from Zero punctuation sums it up the best @ http://www.crunchgear.com/2009/12/16/zero-punctuation-on-demons-souls-its-too-hard/

Final Fantasy 13 - The biggest disappointment and general fucking insult to anyone who has ever played/enjoyed a final fantasy title in the past. This game should not exist. No main antagonist, linear bullshit thin corridor style maps, boring monsters, no real story line and ultimately no freedom. I was playing this dulled down, aimed-at-12-year-old-leona-lewis-fans game for hours under the impression that I would reach a city soon enough and the “game” would actually begin. I was wrong. This WAS the game, this pile of automated, dull shite where you have very little control over ANYTHING AT ALL was actually all that was on offer. I can’t be dealing with it and I’d urge you not to either.

Assassins creed 2 - admittedly not played an awful lot but so will reserve major judgement. Did bore me shitless though which is why I put it down and didn’t pick it back up again. Give it a go I dunno? I’m starting not to care about video games at all.

Fallout 3 - Game of the year edition. Masterpiece, buy this game. Weren’t expecting that were you? For all it’s bugs and strange faults that can lose hours of play at once this game is actually one of the best thought out, fun, stats driven action RPG games I’ve ever, ever played. It’s brutally hard to the unitiated at the start but it’s something that can be overcome by a little play. Not like the affore mentioned demons souls that robs you of any achievement you may have earned in hours of play whilst rubbing cat shit into your eyeballs and laughing. Buy this game.

Infamous - too boring to grip me. I played it for a few hours, it got very repetitive very quickly and even though the main character can throw lightening bolts out of his fists into nearby enemies they seemed to get progessively harder until the lightning bolts weren’t really doing anything to them… whilst looking exactly the same as they were a single level ago. Great game design, ingenius, just make the normal humans you’re fighting with no powers rock fucking solid for no particular reason other than the fact you’ve made it past a challange. Lazy developer twats. Avoid this game, it sucks.

Left 4 Dead 2 - A great game ruined yet again by stupid little fucking obvious oversights in character design / enemy balance coupled with the valve source netcode just frustrates the shit out of me every single time I play it. I fail to see how something like Quake suffered no ill effects back in 1994 if your connection was good enough (read: we don’t use fucking modems any more, why are you incoporating 100ms of lag compensation as a minimum?), but valve can’t manage a decent netcode when I’m sat on a 10ms latency connection in 2010. Pricks. They did the same thing with TF2, took an INCREDIBLY good idea for an amazingly fun game, and just fucking ruined it by stupid twattly little mistakes.

Mirror’s Edge - Simply pigshit, confusing, unresponsive, avoid

Games I will be playing soon:

Uncharted 2
Prototype
Maybe more Assassins creed to give it a fair crack

This is the result of the default Windows 7 firewall configuration in a corporate environment:

It’s a total piece of absolute fucking shit

Been getting a bit wound up recently, by people who are too fucking stupid to see their own shortcomings.

I’ve taken note of a group on Facebook called “Get ISLAM4UK Removed From Facebook”. The caption reads: “This group is a disgrace to Britain and what it stands for. And to all of Her armed forces.”

Great grammar, looking at the posts from various people on the board you can tell the audience is of exceptional calibre in regards to mental abilities:

Darren Mitchell Absolute prickssss get outta OURRRRRR fuking country

Craig Mcclennon Should Fuck them all back off this is are country!!!!!!!

Simon Gregg fu ck em all off smelly twats

Robbie ‘Deejay’ Dibble This group should be called… “Get ISLAM4UK Removed from Britain!”

and clearly the best one:

Matt Ashdown scum scum scum

Strangely, “scum” is the first word that comes to mind reading these pathetic excuses for apparently civilised human beings.

I’d gladly take a believer in peaceful muslim values with intelligence and a moderate bit of fucking social ettiquite than these loud mouthed, ill educated fuckholes. Although the whole intelligence/religion paradox for me is something I’ve not quite made my mind up on just yet.

Anyone who has read this website before knows I am 100% implicitly against organised religion, imaginary friends, it’s place in law and so on. Personally I have more of an issue with the Muslim religion than any other because of it’s archaic ideals and attitude towards women, its nature of being 100% inflexible towards any sort of open mindedness, it’s brainwashing of children to hate Jews from birth and so on. However, the important thing to remember here is FREEDOM OF SPEECH APPLIES TO EVERYONE EVEN IF YOU DON’T LIKE WHAT THEY ARE SAYING.

I wasn’t aware of the direct connection that Facebook represented England, was English or needed Muslims removing from it. Why the hell should facebook be required to remove ISLAM UK from it’s pages when it openly allows groups of these cunts joining up to incite hatred in just the same way. That’s the fucking key here, the absolute failing of these ignorant morons to realise that they’re acting in exactly the same way as any religious fundamentalist/exremist; denying freedom of speech to those they simply do not agree with. It’s a fucking disaster waiting to happen.

Whilst I agree that something needs to be done about radical Islamists and as importantly, people who bow and pander to their needs, to be any better than the brainwashed religious, dangerous twats in question we have to rise above and act responsibly. Setting up a Facebook group campaigning to get Muslims kicked out of the UK or simply “off facebook” (A free, independant service in no way related directly to England) is the most useless, pathetic waste of time I’ve seen in ages.

I’m starting to get a bit fucking wound up recently, mostly by royal mail and their “I’m not going to bother putting a card through your door, so you let the item sit in the depot for a week and get sent into limbo for the next 6 weeks being returned to sender”, that’s another story however.

What I’m starting to get fucking annoyed with is how other people’s fuck up seems to translate directly back to the buyers problem from various places online.

Play.com fucked me off, I ordered a game early December, Borderlands. It was listed for 17.99 on their site, I logged in, ordered it and forgot about it. I only twigged at the end of Jan when I logged in that the order had never been sent out, just sat on “awaiting stock”. Awaiting stock? Their site showed the game back in stock without an issue, back on sale for 44.99. So er, if you’ve got the stock, send my fucking order out cunts?

Seeing as it had been nearly 2 months and the order was never looking like it was going to get fulfilled I wrote to them. Sorry, they said, the item was on a promotional basis of a “today only” offer and had limited stock. Wahaay, excuse number 1 and it’s a cracker. Nowhere on the site did it let me know that the item was a day only promotional offer, nowhere did it mention stock was limited and absolutely nowhere at all did it let me know that even though the order had been sucessfully placed, I’d have to second guess their stock system and contact them directly 2 months later after they’ve ignored and failed to honour the order.

Apparently though, legally, I have no leg to stand on! The sellers are utterly protected via whatever bullshit excuses they want to make up with the simple fact that “until they dispatch the goods no contract is entered into” for the sale. So the advertising of the goods, the selling them to me for that price, the agreement of trading on that price, the taking of my money and then not honouring a promised order apparently means absofuckinglutely JACK SHIT in terms of legality. There is nothing at all to protect me, they make up any excuse they want, I get fucked. Nice.

So recently I order a box set online from ebay. This is slightly different, this item REQUIRED me to pay isntantly after ordering it for a buy it now transaction. I was warned that by clicking the link of saying yes I was legally bound to pay for said item and I had bought it. Seems that doesn’t apply to the sellers though. Another email through this morning “We’re sorry, your payment has been refunded this item has been withdrawn from our listings”.

Erm… is that why it’s now back on sale in your ebay shop for 20 quid more? Nothing about listing it for the wrong price, nothing about sending it out to me anyway because they fucked up the price listing, they just took my money, entered into an apparently legal binding contract, then just decided to lie to me and break it. Apparently that’s completely fine in the world of business, accepting an order, taking someone’s money, agreeing on a transaction, directly lying to them about the item being “withdrawn” then placing it back on sale again for an inflated price.

It’s not as if I was in any position to think the 25 quid I pay for the box set was a mistake or incorrectly advertised, there were loads of box sets around that price online, 22.99 was the best, but it was apparently unsealed. I picked the box set that was new, sealed and the lowest price. They’ve completely fucked me over.

Can’t help but feel there should be a little bit more in the way of protecting someone who has already handed over their money only to get fucked by a trader who just decides they can’t be bothered to honour an apparently legally binding agreement. Ebay policy:

Policy overview

When an item receives a bid on eBay, that bid is a legally binding contract between the seller and the bidder. Buyers should be able to be confident that the item they bid on will not change or become unavailable during the auction process. Therefore, as a seller you are not allowed to list items if you do not intend to honour the listing agreement, if you cannot deliver to the winner/buyer, or if you intend to change the item during the auction process (adding to auctions is permitted - changing the actual item for sale is not allowed).

So er… where is my item plzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

A serious issue, and one I’m not about to slate or take the piss out of for once.

Thing is, some people seem a little misguided, I’m currently watching a show about knife crime and how it’s affected certain people’s lives after their kids or loved ones have been killed by stabbings. It’s pretty disturbing, the stats they’re quoting show that many more people are killed by knives than guns in this country.

Not exactly shocking in a way, guns are slightly more controlled in this country than kitchen knives, considered to be the number 1 implement or type of knife used as they are so freely available. The surgeon who sees many knife wounds every week talks about how specialist weapons are vastly in the minority for actually causing intentional injuries, mostly because of the impractical nature of carrying and consealing the implements.

Fair enough. Deterants have been mentioned as an idea but all the people on the show seem to feel education is the answer to all the issues and is the greatest tool for fighting the issue. I disagree. They also mention how the legal age for buying a knife has gone from 16 to 18… again, big fucking wow. If 99% of the implements that cause knife wounds are standard 5 to 9 inch kitchen knives what the fuck is limiting the purchasing age to 18 going to do? They’re already in every single kitchen in the entire country, what difference is raising the age gonna do?

So a 16 year old wants a knife, they can no longer go and buy one, so they look in the kitchen.
So what was a 14 year old going to do anyway? Go to the shop and risk attempting buying an 8 inch knife, or just go into the kitchen and grab one in the first instance?

Secondly the education part of it, I don’t think going into schools and telling decent, well behaved school children the stabbing the shit out of a classmate is going to do that much. The kids on the bad path of gang mentality will be initiated into that lifestyle for a multitude of reasons far fucking younger than 16 and will probably be skipping the shit out of school in the first instance. Also “educating” people into how much damage a knife can do is basically pointless, because the people that carry them won’t be under any disillusion about why they’re doing so and to say they’re ignorant to it is bullshit.

Education has it’s place but not in a misdirected way at the people who won’t give a shit in the first place.

I reckon the answer is a far harder line, sure it’s a cultural thing, its behaviour that has been introduced into the way certain people live their lives due to loads of reasons, greed, status, gang mentality, povety and loads of other social reasons. The problem I think is the complete and utter lack of a decent deterrant. People might claim deterrants don’t work, but I think most people don’t see the issue of being potentially caught or arrested as being a particularly big deal.

To be honest, I’m not up for Police officers walking around with guns, tasers maybe, something non lethal in most cases but not firearms. That’d surely just spark a rise in serious assholes tooling themselves up with guns to shoot back. What I would like to see though is more armed Police or even Army unit interaction when someone is known to be at large after a stabbing, whatever the circumstances but particularly attempted or actual murder. Hunt the fuckers down, give them one warning to submit, if they don’t shoot the cunts in the head and clean up the mess.

Make it very clear to the people who chose to carry offensive weapons, if you are prepaired to use them to take someone elses life, be prepaired to potentially yield yours. I think if people walking around carrying knives knew that should they get caught using them the powers that be are fully prepaired to dispatch units in order to legally put them the fuck down if they remain uncompliant.

It sounds extreme and I’m not trying to sound like the Daily Mail here, but surely the only way to stamp out extreme behaviour is to combat it with extreme measures. I’m sick of hearing poor families who’s children have been stabbed to death by other cunts over muggings or arguments or pathetic gang like warfare knowing that if the cunt that did it gets caught the best that we can hope for is that they go to prison for about 15 years and get out with an increased status within the asshole community.

What it comes down to is that I have utterly no time at all for people that behave this way. People that I’d rather see dead than pay for to be sat in prison and will be again protected when coming out the other end with potentially new identities etc. Anyone who submits evidently gets put through due process, gets locked away in a prison and guess what, if there isn’t enough fucking space in a prison, you chain the fuckers up like in olden days and they can build their own fucking prison. Only an analogy but I fail to see the point of having proper hardened criminals sat on their ass holes playing playstation for 23 hours a fucking day when the country is in such bad shape, but that’s another issue.

Another major issue is the whole gang culture and attitudes of kids and teens in run down estates. Bricking people’s cars, swearing at old people, starting fights with anyone who walks past, … carrying knives to act hard, smashing up public services, fucking over people’s houses in large numbers. I’m fucking sick of it… seeing as the kids are classed as “minors” the police seem powerless to do anything about it. Again, how about not sending the troops over to places where they’re not even allowed to shoot back and bring them in to kick the shit out these cunts who terrorise decent people’s lives.

ASBO’s don’t mean fuck all, things like “not being allowed to enter property they do not own or aren’t invited into”, or “not causing damage to other people’s property or belongings”, it’s simply pathetic. How obvious do you want to be? If something isn’t done about it in the most extreme cases I’d wager that vigilantism will be majorly on the rise and yet again just be a rise of unlawful behaviour. Thing is, what is the alternative? The authorities seem almost powerless to actually do much about it at all without being threatened or people being taken to court.

Drag the loser cunts away and force them into some sort of military grade service where discipline will be drilled the fuck into them until they crack. Every cunt I’ve seen on the program who has utterly no remorse at all for terrorising innocent people is sat on the fucking dole leeching off decent people and generally using their entire time just to cause as much misery as possible. So I guess this is one subjetct I’m hideously conservative on? The alternative pussy footing around and putting in measures that simply have no effect is starting to wind me up though.

Sigh, everytime I hear about these sort of things it’s because some idiot out there has coined a phrase and it’s stuck like flies to shit.

It’s been reported recently that to access a “God mode” in windows 7/vista you create a folder with a tag name and an associated GUID. It works, however what you get out of it is so far from an actual functional “God mode” it’s laughable.

Basically by bunging a GUID into a folder you’re accessing the associated content within it, this time around the folder in question contains multi control panel items all in one place. Quite a lot in there, seems pretty useful to start with and may have it’s uses.

The string looks like this:

Name.{ED7BA470-8E54-465E-825C-99712043E01C}

Note I’ve intentionally renamed “GodMode” to Name in this case as I take severe exception in copycatting this bullshit phrase that has caught on but some pathetic twat who evidently wanted to sensationalise what they’d found into making other’s think what they’ve found is actually special. In fact they’re actually just a complete cunt. Truth is you can put anything you want before the .{string} it’s just a place holder name for the folder, it’s the GUID that determines the content.

I’ve even caught videos on youtube of this wonderous “God mode” being demonstrated, as if anyone needs a fucking guide of how to type in a folder name and press enter. The major catch here though, there is nothing “God mode” about it when it comes to functional rights within the OS. If you create the folder under a normal user account you get to see various control panel applets and functionality as any administrator would.

Can you actually make use of them though?
Can you fuck.

If you don’t have the rights, you still can’t perform anything at all over and above what a normal user can. So people are making such a fuss over this why? I’ve seen a few articles that state Redmond haven’t issued a statement on this yet, as if hiding something such as a GUID away from public use for this “God mode” is something underhand, when looked at in reality, people who have written such articles deserve a spike through their fucking eyeball.

Oh you found a larger version of the control panel, well fucking done.

Terrible situation as everyone already knows, but I’m starting to get more and more wound up by the media coverage.

Dead bodies in the street, people dying, burnt people, hungry people, dirty people, broken people.

Lets grab it all and pipe it to the rest of the world that hardly gives a fuck on camera. I say hardly gives a fuck because its all very well sitting there getting teared up about the poor people but who is actually going to DO something about it.

One reporter on ITV says “The old people are the most vulnerable and have been left by the strong, deserted, hungry and are in their final days, they try to cling to their dignity, but it’s hard”.

I’m sure it fucking is with a healthy white camera crew stood there with camera’s pointed in their fucking faces. Apparently the aid mission out to Haiti has probably been the biggest ever, but in that reporter’s opinion, the worst.

’scuse me a minute here but to be brutally honest charity should start at home. Our country is going to the fucking dogs due to the cack handed way the government and management within the civil service / councils. It’s utterly obvious that the old and mentally disabled are going to be the most vulnerable in an already impoverished nation that gets hit by a major natural disaster. We’re supposedly not rushing to help these people miles away because we’re hardly able to help our fucking selves most of the time.

I’d donate if I thought any of it was actually going to get there, as it seems at the moment the opinion in line with the reporter on the TV, not a lot of it would. It’s a real shame that disasters like this only seem to hit the poorest places where people have it so hard in the first place but like any heartless human being, I’m sat here and I’m quite happy to say “how terrible” then go about my daily life as per normal. As will you.

This sparked me off today:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/8468981.stm

Gun parts that are being used by UK/US forces in current conflicts have bible verse/chapter insciptions along things such as gun butts etc.

Quote:

Coded references to biblical passages are inscribed on gunsights widely used by the US and British military in Iraq and Afghanistan, it has emerged.

The markings include “2COR4:6″ and “JN8:12″, relating to verses in the books of Corinthians II and John.

Trijicon, the US-based manufacturer, was founded by a devout Christian, and says it runs to “Biblical standards”.

We believe that America is great when its people are good. This goodness has been based on biblical standards throughout our history and we will strive to follow those morals

End Quote.

I suppose with reflection it actually is quite fitting that a company that makes tools for the mass slaughter of people should be proud to serve their country as “one nation, under God”. Especially as Christianity and indeed religion as a whole is responsible for countless millions of deaths over the course of history, justified by nothing more than a belief and faith in something with no actual evidence. It’s ok to go out there and kill anyone for your cause kiddies, just as long as the imaginary friend in your own head tells you and all your friends it’s ok to do so.

Where is this fierce connection with Christianity being the founding and guiding moral encompassing everything “good” in the USA? It seems to me utterly misguided and one giant facility to be able to excuse any action or reaction in the name of a made up diety. Such reliancy on imaginary friends in one’s head can, to me, only be explained and detailed by the way of a mental illness which just encourages closed mindedness and blind “faith” in ideals that are massively outdated and archaeic.

The whole “one nation under god” in the Pledge of Alliegance was never even there before February 12, 1948… Lincoln’s birthday, suggested and later included as a change by a retard going by the name of Louis A. Bowman.

There is no mention of God in the US constitution: “We the people of the United States, in order to form a more perfect Union….” The omission of God in the Constitution did not come out of forgetfulness, but rather out of the Founding Fathers purposeful intentions to keep government separate from religion.

The decleration of independance does mention god, however, it was aimed at a future government designed and upheld by people and not based on a superstitious god or religious monarchy. It observed that all men “are created equal” meaning that we all get born with the abilities of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. That “to secure these rights, governments are instituted among men.” Note that the Declaration says nothing about our rights secured by Christianity and indeed, why should it? It’s purely a document explaining the situation with the rebelious nature towards separating the people of the newly formed USA with England.

The “Treaty of peace and friendship between the United States of America and the Bey and Subjects of Tripoli, of Barbary,” referred to as simply the Treaty of Tripoli is important too. In Article 11, it states: “As the Government of the United States of America is not, in any sense, founded on the Christian religion; as it has in itself no character of enmity against the laws, religion, or tranquillity, of Musselmen; and as the said States never have entered into any war or act of hostility against any Mehomitan nation, it is declared by the parties that no pretext arising from religious opinions shall ever produce an interruption of the harmony existing between the two countries.”

It seems many Christians in America today have forgotten their own history, both religious and national. In 2009 Baptists will celebrate their 400th anniversary. In the 17th and 18th centuries Baptists, heavily persecuted by colonial theocracies, led the way in embracing a pluralistic society and insisting upon full religious liberty and separation of church and state. Irony? If only they understood it…

Baptists’ perseverance in the face of religious and state persecution led to the founding of America as the world’s first secular nation, including the adoption of separation of church and state in the First Amendment. England was so mortified, when the new nation left God out of its Constitution, that some English leaders accused America of being an atheist nation.

Why did Baptists (and some other Christian groups) insist that America be founded as a secular nation? I reckon they realised that true religion is voluntary, not coerced. This fundamental belief is as true today as it was hundreds of years ago. Christians of the late 18th century clearly understood that the USA was founded as a secular nation although clearly not all were happy about the matter; some wished for a theocracy distributing bibles to the people and continuing to collect taxes for churches until the 19th century. Why?

The normal reasons of course, a loss of a grip on power and the detestful nature of forcing beleif onto others as a way of some sort of emotional and moral favour. Clinging to the historical myth of America as a Christian nation is historical dishonesty, as well as a slap in the face of their spiritual forefathers.

Basically, just a massive bunch of controlling, delluded and defiant pricks ladies and gentlemen.

I dislike morning rage as I’m sure it doesn’t set me up appropriately for the day.

However this morning one person was nearly the case of some rage as I was, surprise, driving in to work.

Things were looking good at one point, where 2 motorways join, the slip road that filters traffic onto the motorway I drive down usually is a cause of massive congestion, as the smart people that designed the roads decided that 2 lanes was enough to carry the entire traffic of one motorway, combined with the influx of 3 more potential lanes from the ajoining motorway. Great stuff.

So this morning I glance left and see flashing blue lights coming down the filter lane, aha! Police car, result, everyone will move out of the way (Eventually) and I can sit behind the thing doing the maximum legal limit and whizz to work because the tossers that plonk themselves in the outside lane at 50mph will move.

It’s going well for all of a minute, then I see a large BMW X5 beast take about 20 seconds to realise that the police car is there and move out of the way. So I’m sat behind the police car going along nicely, and twat in the BMW decides that doing their 40 mph would be much better suited in the outside line, smack bang infront of me. So Mr or Mrs prick (unknown at this stage) moves sideways without so much of a hint of indication back out infront of me on frosty roads doing 30mph less.

I wouldn’t care if they put their foot down, but no, fuck all. Slam on the brakes, police car goes off into the distance where countless other fucking morons just swerve back out into the fast lane of the motorway, and sit there at 40mph in a continual fashion of cutting each other up and the scene turns into a sea of brakelights. Splendid.

So anyway, to test the awareness of cunt in the BMW, I drift back into the “slow” lane of the motorway and pull along side said cunt in the X5 monster machine. Middle finger pressed firmly up against the window I sit with it there for a good 2 minutes solid, not a peep. No reaction, no indication the person even knows that a) someone is nearly undertaking them b) someone nearly went into the back of them because of their shit choice and c) someone has been flipping them off for nearly 2 miles. One of those utter wankers that just sits there staring forward and only forward in their own little world as if their fucking neck has seized into one position due to the icey weather.

So Mrs X5 as we have now established decides that holding everyone up in the fast lane for 3 miles has been good enough and she decides she wants the same junction as me. I see this huge looming object just swerving back towards my car again, no indication, turns out she wants my space on the road yet again and without even fucking looking just decides shes going to take it from me, willingfully or not. So I again hit the brakes, she pulls into the gap where I was, I flash my lights at her and use the horn, nothing at all. No reaction, no hand in the air, no indicators on to say thanks, totally oblivious.

We then proceed up the road for another mile behind a cyclist at 10 mph, because she can’t work out that i’s a 2 lane dual carriage way, and going around the cyclist would be the thing to do. Except no one can get round the cyclist now, because shes pulled out half into the lane she’s in and half into the other overtaking lane, and won’t move. This gets better.

Crawl up to a roundabout and she’s in the left hand lane, I’m in the right, signalling right. Turns out, because I’m a fucking mind reader and saw it coming, she wanted to go right as well. So on queue without prompting she swerves straight infront of me on the roundabout, cutting me up yet again and I’m sat behind her again at the barrier to work. But oh no, the barrier is down so she’ll have to get the badge out and wave it against the sensor. But double oh no shes parked so fucking far away from the sensor she can’t reach, so she has to get out of the fucking car after trying to find her badge.

So that done, the barrier goes up, she waddles back into the car, puts seatbelt on, windows back up, checks herself, whatever the fuck she does she doesn’t do it in time to get through the barrier. So she’s out again, tries again, fails. Has to back the car up with people now queing behind her, we’ve all moved back for fear of getting ploughed by this giant X5 and she’s finally managed to get close enough to get the badge on the sensor whilst in the car.

It’s about this point that if I had skills that would instantly kill someone on the spot, I’d put them to good use as she puts her foot down to pull away into the work compound. You see, you can go left or right, there is parking both ways, having killed her on the spot as she started to lurch forward, I start having fantasies about her rampaging towards the front exit of the building, ploughing her car into the revolving doors and shredding her face on the windscreen as she half crashes through it.

By the time I’ve parked and have made my way to the entrance her fat fucking frame is still wedged on the horn of the car, a giant blood bubble erupting it’s way out of her nose as the cracked windscreen slowly works it way up into the remains of her neck under the pressure of the angle she went through, causing a slowly freezing waterfall of blood down the bonet of the car.

If only.

Good evening, Internet.

I’d like to share with you some of the most utterly ridiculous and brain-numbingly stupid groups and fan pages I have found on facebook in recent times.

Let’s start with the first one:

‘BRING BACK THE ENGLISH CHRISTMAS’

This is quite laughable in itself. What indeed -IS- an English Christmas in the first place? Is this where both parents (Yes, both, not chantelle and her 5 kids) sit around a fireplace with their family smiling and opening presents before preparing an almighty feast, whilst the snow gently drifts down from the sky? Maybe little Timmy can learn the true meaning of Christmas this way whilst Dad smokes his pipe on ‘his’ chair.

With members commenting such delights as “I bet the Nativity wont be all English will it
Its bound to have sum polish or American in it!”

WELL SHIT MY LEG OFF. That might even be a nice adaptation. It couldn’t happen though, if it were to have Americans in as well, there would be friendly-fire all over the place. Anyway.

Snap out of it. Every Christmas, in England, is and English Christmas. Ironically, a lot of members are also members of the next group which is:

“It’s not Christmas until the Coca Cola lorry is on the telly”

Really? Does this form part of the ‘English Christmas’ now too? It’s almost as similar of saying “Oh I’m a Communist but the Nazi party did have the right idea. Anyway, enough about Christmas. I hope you’ve got your retard-translator ready for:

“IF U DONT LYK ME U NO WAT TO DO FUCK OFF”

For those of you that couldn’t understand this title, it says “If you don’t like me, you know what to do - Fuck Off.” This clearly is the best attitude to have with life these days, as I’m sure many of the group members think. What about “If you don’t like me, ask me why and maybe we can resolve things?” or “I’m not interested in your opinions so please leave me alone”.

No. We’re going to resort to the playground styled “HE DOESN’T LIKE ME SO I DON’T LIKE HIM”. I wonder how many of the group’s members have had situations with unrequited love before? There’s a poll for the future. I think the actual title of the group irriates me like some kind of vaginal rash more than the actual content to be fair. The same cannot be said however for:

“i love text talk!!!! ♥♥♥”

If there is one thing that has ruined language more ‘Harry Potter’ being accepted in the Oxford English Dictionary it’s fucking ‘txt spk’. I was considering writing this paragraph completely in text speak, but then on re-reading it I had stroke and lost all feeling in my face. These people are traitors against language and should be muted until they can write it properly. Even if it means sending an extra SMS because of it. Speaking of being accused of a traitor, which I have very recently leads me to the next group which is patriotically called:

“PROUD TO BE ENGLISH”

Sounds harmless, right? Nothing wrong with being proud to be English. I’m half-english. I’m pretty OK with it. It’s an alright place to live in the grand scheme of things. But check out some of these comments:

Jimmy Mcewan -“kick out packi scum”
Simon Stubbs - “we should bring back the death sentance. . .no second chances…”
Kevin Fish - “british is white n only white it should stay tht way”

Oh, and my personal favorite:

Russell Ashdown
“If your that proud to be ENGLISH like me! would you vote for the BNP? like me! NO I DIDN’T THINK SO( HYPOCRITE’S ) IT WONT BE LONG WE WONT HAVE AN ENGLAND!”

Oh dear me. It looks like we’ve stumbled on yet another “I’m a nationalist racist!” group rather than something a little patriotic. I feel the spelling (And Russell’s punctuation) does reflect the IQ of the people that join. Something else striking on there was the massive support for the (illegal and unethical) war in Iraq - Not just the troops, but the slaughter of foreigners. I guess we didn’t get enough in the crusades and have gone back to finish the job. Another knee-jerk group I found which people seem to have joined is:

“BOYCOTT STARBUCKS IN SUPPORT FOR OUR TROOPS!”

First off, let me tell you how much it ANNOYS THE SHIT OUT OF ME how many people will unwaveringly give their support without even doing their homework. As you’ll see in this link, the whole thing is an urban legend.

http://www.snopes.com/politics/military/starbucks.asp

Doesn’t it raise questions in your head when you put your name against these things? Why would a corporation waste time informing members of the general public that “We don’t want anything to do with our solidiers” when it’s obvious it would turn out to be a PR officer’s worst nightmare? I am going to be blunt about the next one, by the way:

Woolworths - Bring it Back to the Highstreet.

No, don’t. There’s a reason it failed in the first place. Even if you are losing a part of your precious ‘British Identity’ because of irresponsible money management, the fact remains that no-one went there anymore. And even if they did return, you still wouldn’t. So stop moaning. The next group made me laugh-out-loud. I’m not even kidding. In a tasteless way, maybe, but christ - What will some people do for attention? This:

Baby P (Cry For Them Not Me ) Promotions

Yep. you read that right. Baby P promotions.

Say it again. Out loud. Baby. P. Promotions.

For those of you that don’t know, Baby P isn’t the latest rap sensation, nor is he a secret agent. He was a child called Peter who unfortunately died due to the neglect of his parents and the failings of haringey social services. Anyway, because of the massive media hype regarding this child that died, it rallied the unwashed masses into a frenzy - so much so they released a single of people singing about how child abuse is bad. Of course, a single needs a promotions company, right? So Baby P Promotions were formed. It seems a bit of a one trick pony to be fair, Unless after the hoo-ha has died down a little, they might expand into the hip-hop market?

I was hunting for comments from certain people on this, to find a ‘Jade Heppenstall’ who ticked all the boxes of ‘Text message slang, Ill-informed, and ‘Generally Annoying’ so viewed her profile. I then noticed she was the admin of a group called:

My bastard of an ex has f**ked off with a chav

Well. Gutted, really.

Here’s a picture of the lass that made the community:

http://photos-g.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc1/hs135.snc1/5768_117811590468_514190468_3544857_5070554_n.jpg

Anyway, she seems like a bitter one.

I informed my good friend Andy about such like and he pointed out a group I came across last week too. Strap yourself in for:

I CAN’T BELIEVE I USED TO FANCY U! - WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING?!

Well, clearly at the time you were both into each other. It doesn’t take a genius to figure this one out. People change. Some a lot more than others. But really guys? Really? This? I am pretty sure that his group would be members of our final group:

I hooked up with my best friends ex/ I hooked up with my ex’s best friend

Really nice there guys. This paints quite a picture, especially when you see the amount of ‘LIKES’ on someone’s page it gets too!

I guess the conclusion of this note could be ‘Be careful what you are putting your name to.’ Some things aren’t quite what they seem. And the ones that are? Well, at least have a good opinion on the matter before making yourself look stupid.

Love!

I’m currently quite raged.

I saw an email go out on the company email system where I currently work, to provide a shoebox full of gifts for poor kids. The idea is you fill it with cool things like a teddy bear, learning material (pens, paper, colouring pens, calculator), maybe a book, an electronic game, things like that. This seemed like a great idea to me, why not, I’m used to helping my friends out when they’re in need but I’ve never done anything like this before.

Decided I was gonna go for it this time around, so put together a list of things I could send out in this box.

I looked at the website organising this for a bit more information, this is when I got quite mad. It turns out the people organising this were a church, a Christian organisation. Now I appreciate Christmas is a religious festival in it’s root but at the same time, I have no interest celebrating any sort of false religious festival. I celebrate the time of year by showing people I care for them by being around them and generally making what is normally a hard enough life a bit easy with a few gifts. It’s an excuse for a good time, as I think it is to many these days and the absence of any sort of religious ideals tagged onto suits me down to the ground.

Couldn’t even care less that it’s a commercial driven business these days.

It turns out this organisation, no matter how good their intentions are, supply religious stories, such as the story of Christ and other assorted bible bullshit to these poor kids. This is where, for me, I completely bail out. It seems all too sinister for me, it’s all very well going to another country to help underprivileged kids but I am NOT sending them a box of presents with religious fucking material in it.

I’m sure their lives are hard enough without the further indoctrination of religious horse shit into their daily duties and I am not being held in any part responsible for doing so. This angers me quite considerably, I wanted to send a simple, useful gift to these kids but what I’d really be doing was saying “here, associate these lovely gifts with the lovely made-up mental disease that is Christianity, everyone be happy that you’re going to heaven and live life for a totally made up being.”

What that really equates to is sacrifice your life for the clergy and powers that be within the church who have assumed a higher connection to said made up being for their own fucking profit and gain. It amazes me how something so nice and apparently loving on the surface can actually be so fucking sinister, people marching into another country as a missionary, setting up a religious sect and brainwashing the locals into believing as if it will guarantee them some sort of better quality of life.

You do not need religion to care about people, I’m an atheist and I wanted to help these kids. I fail to believe that any sort of religion would benefit these kids. Religion benefits the few self elected cunts that hold the complete unquestionable corrupt power over the congregation that subscribe to their ideals. I feel sorry for the poor fucking kids being indoctrinated into this bullshit and I’ll be sending my gifts elsewhere.

Gonna try and find a non bias, non religious charity that will sort some kids out with my gifts a little closer to home without having to provide brainwashing material to the poor cunts.

…was statistically, as good as dead 48 hours after she went missing.

Even if the parents had nothing to do with the whole thing, she’s long since dead by now.
Why can’t people realise this and just fucking drop it?

I’m sick of seeing that poor kid’s face plastered everywhere, the TV the internet, newspapers.
The media makes a giant fucking fuss when it’s a cute, blonde, blue eyed white girl that goes missing but the reaction is never anywhere near the same with children of lesser attractiveness or from ethnic backgrounds where their skin happens to be darker.

Just fucking drop it, she’s dead, she’s gone, she’s not coming back.
Tell me something nice on the news for once.