After 25 years custom I’m leaving these assholes.

Moving house shouldn’t be that much of a fucking hassle, I mean really, I walked into NatWest and said “I’ve moved house”. They got me to tell them the new address after verifying that I was me via the use of my chip and pin card, they changed my address.

It took me 3 fucking minutes.
In and out.
You listening to this NationWide you bunch of spastic twats?

Nationwide refuse to sign me back up to their pathetic online banking system because the address I requested the details to be sent to were not the ones on file.  I can understand that, but their recommended way of changing your address is by going online.

Considering the details they send you are fucking arbitrary for the most part remembering non personal 6 digit pin codes and a random 10 digit customer number makes it fucking impossible to actually use the service in an online or mobile fashion. I mean who carries around that sort of information with them, from a practical and security point of view. If you can’t keep it in your head it’s not secure in the first fucking place.

Anyway, I digress, so I wanted to change my details. I rang them up, answered all the security questions, then was told I couldn’t change the address over the phone. Their “policy”. I can ALMOST understand this as people can get hold of personal information, however I quoted digits from a pin code and letters from a password. What more do they fucking want a copy of my DNA?

So I had to go to a branch. Joy. I went into town on the bus and went into the branch. Instead of just proving who I was and quoting the new address I had to fill in an entire fucking A4 sheet with so many fields of information it was annoying. I filled it out, got back in line and waited another 15 minutes for a free cashier.

I approached, explained I was given the form and I’d filled it out and I wanted to change my addresses. Can I see some ID please? Yes of course you can, proving that I am in fact me seems pretty important at this point I’ll give them that.

No, something with your new address on it.

Excuse me?

I need something with your new address on it.

The fact that I had my fucking bank card with the account details on it wasn’t enough.
The fact I had my driving license with a picture of my fucking face on it, with the old address I was moving from, was not enough.

Do you have a passport?

Er… yes, but not on me?

Oh.

What use was that going to be anyway? You renew your passport and driving license every 10 fucking years, what chance am I going to have that two weeks after moving house they would mystically have my new address on them? Fuck all, that’s what.

So do you have anything like a utility bill?

No, strangely enough it doesnt mention that anywhere on the fucking form, or the people on the phone I spoke to.

Oh well we need that.

Why?

It’s our policy, for your security.

So at this point I’m sat there wondering what they’re trying to secure me from? The inability to quote my new, correct address? A fucking spastic moment where I’d walk in and re-register my card to an address that wasn’t fucking mine? For a laugh?

I explained that I’ve proven who I am, how the hell can they refuse to accept my new address from my own fucking mouth? Not good enough.

Oh apparently though, if I’m unhappy I can send a letter in to their head office address.

I asked how this was helpful to me and they explained that they have my signature “on file” and can verify it that way.

Wait a minute…

The same fucking signature on the back of my valid bank card for the account I want to change the details of. That I am holding in my hand? The same one that no doubt appears as a sample on their cunting computer screens when looking up my details? The very same one I could have provided, in front of their very faces at the branch I was stood in as well as about 3 other valid forms of ID.

Oh no that’s not acceptable. Me being there in person and being able to prove several times over is not good enough, but a simple faceless, insecure common snail-mail letter with my signature on it holds the power of the sun.

So lets consider this for a second, someone, anyone, can send a letter saying they want to change my registered address on my bank account, to their head office and a simple signature will be fine. That is all they need, the ability to emulate or copy my signature. Absolutely no issues.

Me being present in the branch with my bank card, photo ID including a driving license for the address I’m trying to change, able to recreate said signature as many times as they require is not.

What a bunch of fucking useless, shit headed morons.
First chance I get, I’m closing my account of a quarter of a century and I’m never going near the useless pricks again. 2010 and with all the security in place they could ever ask for, that I can validate, they’re taking the piss out of me.

So lets play a little game.

If anyone does happen to know enough about me, my previous address, my full name etc.
Feel free to try it on. Write to Nationwide, impersonate me and change my fucking address for me, because at the moment short of jumping through their cocking hoops I have no other choice and don’t seem to give a shit that I’m threatening to leave.