What a steaming pile of shit.

I could of course leave my little review/rant there as that is all I really need to say about it, but what fun would that be… so here is a little bit more info. Z list celebs invited onto a once amazingly well done Jap game show to take part in a game where a wall moves towards them with a specific shaped hole in it. The idea is to make the shape of the hole and fit through the wall, avoiding being pushed into a pit of water behind the play area. Take a look on youtube for the Jap version.

The original and the best version, created by crazy japanese tv execs where hilarity occurs as the frantic atmosphere, crazy ranting and elaborate scenery just add to the enjoyment of watching people getting smashed into the water.

Move this over to the BBC and we get a deplorably boring Dale Winton and some shitty Z list celebs, very little scenery (no flashing lights, nothing to look at) in the form of a boring back drop and utterly no atmosphere at all. I’m fairly sick of the fact that anything that gets done in this country on the BBC is ultimately paid for by us, the license payer has utterly say what so ever about what goes into the programing and the execs seem so aboslutely out of touch it’s enough to make me want to smash my own face through a wall.

If you want a perfect example of how to take a program that is novel, exciting, crazy, frantic, fun to watch and very, very funny - then morph it into the most predictably boring piece of SHIT you’ve ever seen watch the Jap version, watch a few of them on youtube, then take some time to hunt down the BBC version and see if you can sit through 10 minutes without turning off/killing yourself/stabbing a small animal with a screw driver.

Instead of crazy “nobody” contestants making amusing shapes, getting competetive with each other, getting smashed into the wall and taking a faceful of water we get people like Vic Reeves and “Dj Spoony” (Only a fucking tosser would call themselves that anyway) competing with the likes of Vanessa “Fat-yid” Feltz who runs onto the show apparently thinking she’s some sort of sexy model pulling off poses and the like. This might have been amusing if it wasn’t from the fact that her face looked quite serious about the whole thing.

So instead of crazy nobodies risking their safety being smashed into shapes they would never be able to achieve with a massive studio audience watching and making loads of noise, flashing lights, hilarious exciting atmosphere we get a few past it celebs that no one gives a shit about anymore(all too aware they are on camera) stood around bantering about fuck all, occasionally throwing in a few fat jokes.  On the jap show the contestants are normal people who are matched up with celebs sometime, this is even cooler for the contestants!

It seems the Jap version is also all too aware that other countries have ripped the idea off, in one video I saw they presented a map of europe and had pins in each country that had copied the show. Noteworthy versions other than the original are the Russian version which seems incredibly well setup with funny sound effects in the replays (the click of a camera shutter goes off and the screen changes to grey-scale when one man jumped into anothers arms to get through the hole) and the Hong Kong version where the presenter is a fat dude with a very weird haircut, a black pom pom hanging from his face/neck for some unknown reason and his sidekick is dressed up as elvis?

Versions to avoid other than ours are the Italian version which just decided to put leggy models into the game and move the wall down to 0.0008 mph, no atmosphere at all and every single model I saw failed. The French version which was similar, no atmosphere at all and unentertaining nobodies hardly trying to succeed at all. Anyway go judge for yourself, they’re all out there for your critisism.

It’s so sad our version had to come to this but it lived up to everything that I was expecting from it, a massive hideous failure of shit. I despise the way that everything in this country appears to be made for the amusement of the thick-as-pig-shit masses, fuck the lowest common denominator and fuck the BBC

The stories just keep rolling in this week:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/south_yorkshire/7747711.stm

This is dark
Even by my standards this is dark!

I’m not going to make a massive post about this one, suffice to say though, vote me in as prime minister at the next election and i’ll make sure people like this have a bullet put in them. Mostly because this utter waste of life is never going to be any use to society at all. He succesfully removed all his “human rights” when he stopped acting like one by repeatedly fucking his own daughters and a single bullet and a hole in the ground costs far less than 20 years in fucking prison.

Why should we have to pay for this fuck’s upkeep?

He should at least have his fucking eyes ripped out, his kneecaps blown off and then thrown down a sewer to be picked apart by rats. At least that way the liberal twats would be kept happy because no one was actually directly put to death eh! Sorry but as far as I am concerned the whole argument about “no one has the right to take the life of another” is bullshit in cases like this. This asshole has utterly ruined two young ladies lifes and caused many babies to be both aborted and others born into a terrible, terrible environment of controlled fear. He should either suffer massively, physically, painfully or just be plain shot in the head. End of.

Give me a loaded gun, point me at him and I’ll do it for free.

Only Microsoft could create an app that can make something as simple as “downloading a file” a complete fucking nightmare experience.

I use technet and the licensing site quite a lot to grab operating system images for virtualisation, the process should be fairly fucking simple, login to the site with your credentials, locate the package / iso you need, download it.

Unforunately not so. On a fresh copy of vista with the default security settings internet explorer refused flat out go near the installation package for the file transfer agent. I gave my credentials to a mate who tried to login to the technet site and grab the image for me. Exactly the same symptoms on his also fresh install of vista with default security settings. Just a prompt telling you to click on some imaginary active x bar that was supposed to appear at the top of the window.

So I tried firefox, the site caused the browser to go into an infinte auth loop which 1 out of 5 times the browser managed to identify. This caused the site to think my username was under attack from an attempted brute force password hack and promptly locked my account out. Nice job Microsoft, win-win so far.

So after fucking with all the security options possible on IE and getting nowhere at all I decided to try on my work laptop. Again firefox utterly fucked it up (through no fault of its own) by being presented an .asxp file extension to download when I tried to initiate the download, evidently Microsoft do not want you using anything other than IE to dl their software. Back to internet explorer again then, logged in nicely and found the files. The transfer manager installs on IE6 but doesnt start up properly leaving a complete crashing mess in it’s wake, so an entire OS reboot is needed due to one app fucking up and effectively killing all the network connections on the box. Or at least the proxy side of it, I didn’t bother spending too much working it out.

So reboot and we’re back in the box, attempt the download again, transfer manager starts and picks up the DL, briliant. Sits there for a bit rolling along at about 400K/s then just halts the transfer for no reason, that I could see anyway. No prompt of this by the way, just sets the status to “Interrupted” in the background and sits there for 2 hours until I happen to check it, thxxxx. So I hit the resume button… it stalls for a bit then the DL starts again. I decide to keep the window open to see what happens this time. 2 minutes later the DL stops again and transfer manager resets to “Interrupted” yet again.

The next time I decide to start the DL it sits there for a bit, says its active then gives me an error box. Error 12037 appearently! Well fuck me if that isn’t useful, error 12037, like I know what that means off the top of my head. No link or anything so I go to google, can’t seem to find anything on the web about it other than a couple of forums where people have had the same issue. Apparently the file could be corrupt, someone suggests, so I wipe the 20% of the file I already have and try again, same error, same complete lack of information as to why.

So.. I’m now in a position where I’ve restarted my entire laptop again, for the second time and I’m going to attempt to do the incredibly complex task of “downloading a file” for the 12th time today. Wish me luck. It really is no wonder people that use a solid OS based on linux/unix/freebsd laugh at Windows admins, the sheer amount of hand holding and shit we put up with on a daily basis enrages me. Time to brush up on my ubuntu skills I think.

*Edit - Well we got slightly less far this time around… the experience continues.

Transfer attempt 4 - Oh well

Sometimes you come across things which seriously defy the unbelivable. Even to a hardened internet user of over 10 years you sometimes have to stop for a second and wonder how these things are even debated in a civil manner.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/wales/7746292.stm

What.

The.

Fuck.

—

But on 28 December last year, a week after her due date, she experience pains which she put down to diarrhoea. She told the inquest: “While I was still on the toilet, I flushed it, and I felt something pull. I stood up slightly, and I could see a foot in the bowl of the toilet.”

—

Oh yeah I totally see how that could happen. That statement might be slightly more believable if BABIES CAME OUT OF ASSHOLES AND WERENT ABOUT 100 TIMES THE SIZE OF A SHIT. Christ how long would she have had to of sat there to give birth as well? Although judging from the fact the baby was the offspring of an affair with a co-worker perhaps it’s fairer to assume her vagina resembled a bucket in the first place, poor little brute was lucky he didnt fall out over the early course of the pregnancy purely due to gravity.

Imagine the splash that thing made when it hit the water…

She hid the fact she’d had an affair from her 11 year partner who was clearly thick enough to believe her bullshit about a wheat allergy causing her stomach to “enlarge and harden”, then tried to flush the fucking kid down the toilet after giving birth. Her pathetic weak willed, spineless nature clearly got the better of her when it came to coming clean about having an affair. So her baby was eventually dropped like a turd into a toilet bowl then flushed as if it was a dead goldfish, intentionally (oh er… allegedly, of course).

What did she do anyway post birth, sit on the bog and reach around and pull the chain before getting up? I dont see how else she could not notice a fucking umbilacle cord hanging out of her post-brith-giving vagina attched to a 7 lb lump now sticking out of the toilet bowl. At the end of the day the point still stands, I fully believe she sat on that toilet and purposefully tried to flush her newborn baby away. I wonder how long it took her to realise that a baby wasn’t going to fit down the U-bend no matter how much brush stabbing she was giving it.

Seriously, how can you possibly claim to have not noticed when the newborn was potentially gasping for breath in the bowl or the movement coming from the baby sat in the pan after the birth. It defies belief why this is even being debated in a sensible manner.

What a sick, pathetic excuse for a human being, I hope she goes to prison for a very long time. Well actually in this case I’d much rather she got put to death but I seem to be in the vast minority who actually support such action. Try and convince me the world wouldn’t be a better place with the likes of people like her in it.

Sick bitch should have a bullet put in her.

*Content censored due to DBA Apple fanboy-ism*

*edit by admin - no abuse plz mr DBA - poor rag *

A big list of BNP members has been published online for all to see, prompting a suspected lash out at various members on the list, some of which claim to have never had any dealings with the BNP in their lives. What a big sticky mess this might turn out to be… or not, who knows.

I have a few views on this and as long as it is read properly I will hope people can see the common sense side to my arguments rather than doing what most people do and automatically brand anyone who supports them a racist.

Personally I do not know enough about the BNP to have much of an oppinion, I like the idea of a group of people who want to lookout for British rights and culture, just like any other ethnic group seems to be entiled to. Large or small. This is perhaps because I am their target audience and I actually seem to care a little about my culture and my upbringing, just like anyone appears to be entitled to do wether they came from here or not; which is fair play to all. It stands to reason though, that there are a massive multitude of clubs and societies for ethnic groups and races which are inherently good things as they offer support and likemindedness for people in the minority to congregate upon.

I was not aware that the BNP have a “whites only” policy. This creates mixed feelings within me, at first glance its easy to see why people instantly class this as racist. However it should be quite seriously noted that whilst this policy may appear racist, freedom of speech suggets that if these people want to run such a club with certain membership rules, they should be allowed to. The reason I say that is if you look at a large amount of groups created for minorities they have exactly the same rules!

Strangely when the group explicitly requires you to be black / asian / purple or anything other than white, it’s apparently not racist at all and not a problem. Could you imagine the media going mental at a private club that only allowed membership to blacks? Could you fuck, but at the same time it is exactly the same when the BNP say you need to be British and white. Racism seems to only work one way, white people can be racist against anyone else if they dare do something that mentions being white. Blacks, asians and anyone else can’t possibly be racist against whites because… there are so much more of us in England? Who knows, it doesn’t make any sense to me why it’s accepted as normal practise for one race to behave a certain way but when another exhibits the same signs it’s not tolerated.

They actually make quite a good point along exactly the same lines here: http://bnp.org.uk/2007/12/is-the-bnp-racist/

Now… that said there is absolutely no doubt that genuinely racist people who need their head checking, or possibly face a nice death via smelting down into factory lubricant (compound X, we’ll make millions) will be attracted to this kinda group and are no doubt members and activists. This is where the ideals and notion of the group sadly fall down. I’m all for looking out of british culture and interests, the interests of the British people be they black, white, asian, chinese in appearance, ANYONE who is interested in preserving the British way of life, but the problem you have by limiting the club to whites only is it will attract the hardcore racists into the fold and those are people I really do not want to be assosiated with. The BNP seems to be an excuse for any misguided proper racist to actually make a stand, group together and kick off when the time is right.

This problem ultimately works both ways though, the BNP has it’s views and evidently attracts white racists, not a good thing but stop and think about what that implies for a second. The hundreds of other orgs and private little clubs out there with non white policies that only admit blacks, asians, chinese people etc, surely their little organisations would potentially attract the hardcore racists who illogically hate anyone else than their own skin colour? People seem to forget that anyone is capable of being racist towards anyone else, it’s not a white only thing folks and I have utterly no doubt that even though run by minorities the exclusive non white clubs are potentially brimming with racists that have a strong dislike for the indingenous population of the british isles.

Its kinda sad because I’d be totally up for voting for a party with purely British interests at heart because as much as my tax dollars are taken off me I can’t help but feel that the government doesnt give a fuck about me as a hard working English citizen. I’m a cash cow drone that gets 1/3 of his income stripped every month to plough into failing systems and lining the pockets of anyone who can bullshit well enough to get a job working in parliament. I’m 26 with a degree and a good job but I can’t seem to afford my own house and without being extravegant at all find myself more and more in debt every month, why isn’t anyone looking out for ME?

The notion of actually having some sort of dislike or hatred for someone because of race/skin colour is absolutely insane. That said it seems to have gone full swing and it’s considered dangerous to profess dislike for someones personality if they happen to be of a different race or skin colour with the claim of racism thrown back in your face. I can’t say I actually know anyone alive who is actually “racist” by definition of the word, my grandfather professed a bit of a dislike for blacks but I put it down to his generation and education. Even people who use the slurs because the words themselves sound funny arent *genuinely* racist.

The absolute main problem with the likes of the BNP are the fact they exist at all sadly. The fact exists that if someone dares bring up a conversational topic on issues such as immigration, race or anything related to that they’re instantly grouped into a category of “racist BNP” supporter. This disallows sensible debate over highly important matters as people are just disregarded as racists and the issue is left. The liberal left make it worse still, pandering to the needs of minorities often without their consent, worried that people may offend other religions and cultures through our daily lives as English citizens. Do you really think the police officer and radio presenter would have been sacked today if they were far left communists instead of leaning far right? Bullshit would they. Both of these pathetic groups fuel the fire and supporters of each end up hating each other just that little bit more.

I just want all this race bullshit to fuck off, I detest the whole “Obama is the first black president” bullshit and everyone who is black in america is up in arms thinking the whole world is gonna change. Obama isn’t strictly a black man, he’s half fucking white, half fucking black for christ sake. No one seemed to comment that he’s the first mixed race president, only that he was black. He’s man with a good head on his shoulders, good ideals and hopefully enough balls to make a difference, thats all that should matter, not the fact that his father was black or his mother was white for christ sake.

I don’t think there is a solution to this one, I just sincerely hope no one gets physically hurt as a result of this leak. The way that islamic fundamentalists are generally tolerated, let into the country to preach hatred about english people etc… the BNP should be allowed a whites only policy and their own ideals as a club. It’s not up to me to fucking police this one but if one is openly tollerated, you can’t have 2 sets of rules for the same situation.

My car insurance renewall came through today, £417 quid.

Thats about 50 quid more than I paid last year for the insurance in the first place. Taken back by this I did a search on confused.com and the best price I got quoted was via the AA @ 285 quid. Bargain, thats with all nobs on too, breakdown cover membership, legal cover, windscreen cover, protected no claims, fully comp, etc etc.

Strangely enough the quote for a new morethan customer comes out at £345 with all nobs on. Still not terribly bad but why on earth would I pay another 50 quid? Also why has my renewall come through at £417 when a new customer in my shoes would get it for 72 quid less! All this with a promise on the deal of having 20% off next year. With this information in mind I rang them up.

I spoke to the lady on the phone and basically asked why I’m being ripped off for 72 quid more for the so called privilige of being a loyal customer. She said she understood but the “best she could do” is give me 40 quid off my renewal, apparently because of “laws and regulations”. Nice.
But why was my insurance suddenly 50 odd quid more than the year before? Apparently because of “offers” that I recieved on my last insurance purchase. So called offers that obviously do not apply to people who have been loyal customers for a couple of years already. Reminds me of that Nationwide advert where the fat fuck talks about putting people in the “Keep net”.

I bet he sweats just by walking 20 metres.

Imagine his ass crack and balls on a hot summers day after he’s been drinking heavily the night before and drowned his obese sorrows with a curry shish.

The water collected in his anal beard could probably water half of namibia for a week.

Disgusting shite.

Anyway I digress…

So they seriously expect me to front up an extra £32 and PAY to stay with them as a loyal customer? When I could just accept this quote infront of me and get it for a lot less? Are these people off their fucking nuts? Insurance is a major scam anyway, people are more or less forced into buying into something that never gives any return. The idea of openly shelling out more money for some sort of mythical honour of staying with them makes me feel a little sick.

So it’s off to the AA I go then… fuck you MoreThan, stuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuupid cunts!

Recently I was asked to write an engineering document on how to implement certain IPSecurity policies within our live environment. These policies would be to ensure traffic from back end SQL servers was sent over IPSec to application servers because the application itself was so fucking old and useless it didn’t natively support any sort of encryption, or even a windows kerberos login.

Not a major issue, there are templates around I can change to be more specific to this occurrence so I engineer a solution that amazingly, actually worked fresh off the press. The document is uploaded and the scripts and media are uploaded and attached to the relevant places within the system.

Even though the whole process worked flawlessly the entire piece of work was nearly “defected” because of test engineer. At the start of the document you see, I clearly stated that the piece of work was extremely high risk and the individual doing the work would need at least 6 months experience in the relevant area. Without this pre-req the work should not be carried out, really simple right?

I mean you’re asking people to play with scripts that need to be manually edited to conform to the environment they are in and such scripts written wrong WILL cause pieces of the environment to go into IPSec lockdown and stop communicating. Anyone who has used Windows based IPSec will no doubt know of the troubles it can provide, especially when run in a “Require” sense rather than a “Request”.

So the email eventually comes back that something in the document needs to be edited. Basically the guy couldn’t find the “System” folder within the Active Directory after implementing all the scripting changes and therefor could not verify that the piece of work was complete. Strange that I’m meant to believe he could possibly run through an entire scripting solution altering complex pieces of text to be entirely accurate for his domain, but he’s unable to find the System folder within AD.

So basically he writes to me asking me to alter the documentation, after already consulting with a colleague of mine who pointed out that if you don’t have the expertise to be doing the changes you should fucking well leave it alone as it can and will break a massive part of your estate. His error? He apparently was capable of testing this entire solution but did not know he needed to press the “View —> Advanced Features” button at the top of the Users and Computers window to be able to view the system folder. This person is actively certifying pieces of work we are designing saying they are fit for purpose whilst completely ignoring any prerequisite the document may state.

Apparently me putting in the heading of the document in big fuck off red words that failing to have the required experience is a big no no isn’t good enough for “some installation engineers”, more worrying to me that if an installation engineer needs their hand held to this extent they should not be doing it at all. Due to this I’ve decided to get one back for the design team. Since the tester clearly ignored my warning and is not fit for purpose in testing the solution and in his email suggested the live team of engineers are “not that great” (his own words), I’ve sent a reply pulling the entire piece of work from going out to live as I have been convinced that it has not been tested effectively or is of a standard that can be understood by our installation engineers.
That’ll teach the useless picky prick to wind me up.

God eh, what a spawny little trickster.

Programming all the frustrated males in the world to think and feel things in ways that are then classified as “unnatural” and “evil”.

That way he can get his sexual thrills jacking it hard in Heaven to anyone who faces strict penalties for doing what their instincts tell them. Rubbing his phallic member up against all the mormons who actually took crazy stories seriously.

Because he gets sexually excited from the displeasure of others, you should see tiny cock swell, or perhaps her vastly bucketed useless baron vagina become sweaty with anticipation.

Deviant little God.

I can just about remember the moment when the viral “All your base are belong to us” came out.  Prior to that event it seemed that the Internet was largely the preserve of the intelligent, you could find what you wanted to in amongst the cack Geocities pages, “your” and “loose” were used properly and people generally spoke like adults - even when they were abusing eachother.  Fast-forward to today and you’re lucky if you can go 5 minutes without being bombarded by a variation of last weeks meme - lolcats roflcoptering in ur base killin’ ur d00ds and raping ur base.

Yeah, i said “raping”.  Somewhere along the line that word lost all of its gravitas, people are raping eachother left, right and centre online nowadays - in between “pooning” noobs and circle-jerking over an amusing picture of a startled cat with some sort of accompanying text which is so poorly written that it is basically just phonemes.  But then I guess that’s the point - the Internet has been taken over by morons who can only be satiated by an endless stream of the same retarded memes with txt spk writ large.

The big problem I have with memes and the people that perpetuate them is one of helplessness.  It angers me to the point of rage (hello website!) that I am rallying against a legion of braindead feckless fuckwits, I picture myself trying to talk sense into these cretins and at the end of a heart-felt plea for understanding one of them just says “lolwut?” and I stab myself in the eye with a spoon.  Problem is saying things like this in open forum will inevitably paint me as some kind of condescending faux intellectual and thus conveniently void my argument.  I “just don’t get it” apparently, but what’s there to get - it’s a fucking cat looking startled, it’s not exactly Tolstoy.

Ironically writing this has served as a sobering reminder of how futile it is to even try and rally against the status quo.  I can only surmise that there will come a time soon where the hoi polloi do not even communicate using words constructed from letters, grammar will be something historians talk about wistfully and what few of us who remember the halcyon days of the Internet pre-All your base end up back spodding on BBS and talkers quietly shaking our fists.

Is total shit.

This particular thing doesn’t enrage me as such, it just mildly wigs me out a bit.

Has anyone else noticed that whenever we have a particlar bad spell of weather in this country, the poor weather presenters are forced into the weirdest situations to do their reports? Today I turned on BBC weather at about 9am and their presenter had been kitted up in a massive red coat and a big umbrella and presumably some wellies, where she was forced to stand outside in the pouring rain to do the broadcast.

The sheer amount of rain that was hammering off her umbrella made it very hard to hear what she was saying at the best of times and quite frankly irritated me. I can only assume that the level of trust for weather reporting is at an all time low, such that the weather presenters need to stand out in the hammering rain as if to prove a point that they’re telling the truth.

I like working in a big office that is heated and on days of seriously shit weather I think I’m quite lucky to be able to sit in relative comfort in a shelter and play around with a PC. Imagine what goes through their heads in the mornings, their job normally involves being in a warm studio infront of a special graphics board, but the second the weather turns to absolute rat shit they’re sent outside in it?

Again, a brilliant call from whoever makes the call on this from a TV perspective; if I need proof that it’s actually raining i’ll look out the fucking window, I dont need some poor bastard stood out in a torrential downpour to let me know how bad things are.