Take it whatever way you want (Oooer), take it in whatever context you want, at the end of the day the headline here is fucking hilarious.

The rules on showing porn on english television are archaic and extremely retarded.
Extremely retarded.

When are these backward old boy fucks who still believe in such rediculous things such as God, not hitting a woman, brylcreem, no anal sex and blacks are only good for shining shoes going to wake up and realise things are slightly different than they were back in the 1950s. Ofcom need to sort it the fuck out, who are they to say its right or wrong to be able to purchase a broadcast of full on hard core porn in your own private residence? Are they even an elected body in the first place or are they self appointed? Who do they answer to?

Does anyone know!?
Who are these people who get to define our morality!?

Strangely enough people have sex, quite a lot of it I should imagine and the idea of people not being able to purchase a video stream of what they can already do in their own homes is distrubing to say the least. Think of all the poor IT consultants and Bank managers and other sad lonely middle aged fat fucks that can’t find something nice to poke on. Just urges them to go out and spend the money on hookers instead I guess so it can’t be all bad.

Twats that sit their kids on their laps quite happily letting them watch daddy play a maturely themed game, namely blowing the shit out of human characters with any violent weapons going. Flame throwers, axe’s, rocket propelled grenades, shotguns, pistols, medical bone saws etc etc.

The number of times I’ve sat there where a parent has their young child on their lap (you can tell because of the in game voice comms and a lot of the time, their admittal to such a practise) watching them take in the experience of such carnage… this doesn’t actually bother me. The thing that REALLY annoys me is their distinct ability only to get seriously upset when someone dares swear.

Their reasoning is that the child is able to determine the difference between real people getting blown to pieces and the made up replicas of humans on the screen being fake. Well thats just fucking lovely isnt it, well done you hyprocritical fucks. How hard is it to also explain to the kids that swearing is infact completely subjective. You are programmed via situation and environment to find swear words offensive or not, you don’t get born and instantly know intuitively that a certain sound projected from another person’s mouth is offensive , or words written down on a screen are naughty. This is of course proven by the fact that children don’t get born being able to fluently speak a language, it’s learnt behaviour.

However, an image of a human person on screen getting blown to shit with weapons is supposedly alright in these people’s books. It’s well known kids are able to find the weirdest things scary due to their imaginations, to me though its rather obvious that violent acts inflicted on human beings is far more likely to be a threat to this fragile imagination as its something the child can directly relate to itself. It could happen to THEM. Its like sitting a child down infront of Alien and expecting them to be fine with people getting ripped to bits by violent creatures only to to “tsk” at the screen when someone swears. Cover your ears kids the naughty man said a bad word!

Fine, if the child can determine that its all fake and its harmless, I couldn’t care less if the kid watches it, but don’t you fucking dare bring a minor into an environment created for adults then complain that you are offending children with normal adult behaviour. A swear word harms no one physically, its a choice to find it offensive or not the same as its a choice to believe in a made up god or eat fish fingers for fucking dinner tonight.

If you don’t want your kids eyes watching my swear words don’t sit them down infront of a completly unsuitable game and then tell me how I’m supposed to act in an environment which is totally unsuitable for them. Would you go into a fucking pub and demand people stop swearing because you’ve brought your kid in, or demand people stop drinking alcohol because kids aren’t allowed to drink. Or perhaps should you have kept your kid out of the pub in the first place? Stupid fucking cock gobblers make me angry.

If YOU don’t like swearing infront of your eyes then either buy your own fucking server and play on that or perhaps grow up and ignore it. It’s the same as reading this article, if it offends you, click the little X button at the top of the browser and close it (or whatever you apple faggots use I dunno). Its not 1950 anymore, people who swear aren’t considered the scum of the earth anymore because people have lightened up and realise that it doesn’t actually matter.

Mozzies gonna get it.

Don’t know why they are attracted to me, might be the fair skin but they keep coming in my room at night and sticking to the ceiling in wait. Whenever they bite me its so hard to resist scratching it and eventually it gets infected and goes all yellow and lovely. I’d rather be bitten by fleas than mosquitoes, flea bites itch a lot too but at least they dont get infected or give you diseases.

So they’re gonna fucking eat it, with these

I bought 2 of them, one for each window and if anything dares come near them they’re gonna get blatted before they know what happened. Apparently has a 3 metre radius for attracting bugs so one by each window and i’ll be nuking half the population around my area in no time as they are mains powered. Which is just as well because I’m fucking sick of being bitten by the little cunts.

Shhhh, don’t tell anyone, but I’m gonna go down on you…
And you’re gonna love it…
But it’s only going to be long enough to let you start enjoying it…
Then I’m gonna come back up again and fuck you, big time…

Lots of love,

Fuel Prices

Shamelessly stolen from reddit/qdb.us!

They’re crap.

Sure, they seem like a great time-saver the first 2 or 3 times you use it - then it stops working completely largely due to the fact that the containers are so misshaped that you can’t squeeze them enough to get the contents out.

I bought a squeezable Colmans Mustard a week or so ago and initially I was duely impressed at being able to shave seconds off the time it would take to unscrew a lid and insert a knife - but alas this elation was short-lived when after a few squeezing sessions there was no way to get any more mustard out :(  When I unscrewed the top to see if it was genuinely empty there was a good 30-40% mustard still left inside!  Imagine if I had thrown it out without checking?  People in Africa are starving, if I’d been living in Zimbabwe I’d have been throwing away about $32 billion worth.  That’s a level of decadence that even a man of my all round malevolence can’t stomach.

Take a tip from me: if you’re going to market a squeezable container for your product at least package it in something you can actually squeeze properly, containers that only let you squeeze out about 60% of the contents are unacceptable.  I mean look at these cocksure ruminants fresh out of University I imagine with their fancy-pants Masters degrees, all dressed up (in the head) with nowhere to go - so they come out with this sort of bullshit and prance around all haughty and aloof like peacocks.

Also, whos bright idea was it to pick two of the most vicuous substances known to man* - Marmite™ and mustard - as the proving grounds for this squeezable technology?  Why isn’t my local MP getting involved in this?  Brown’s Britain I tell ye.

* According to a Wikipedia article I remember dreaming about.

Why should we work 5 days a week and have 2 off at the weekend?

The majority of your life is spent at work until you are likely to retire on a shit pension with very little money, have inherent health problems related to old age and live the last 30 years of your life poor as shit and forgotten about as you wither away.

Isn’t it time we start questioning these things?
What would be the harm in working a 4 day week and having 3 days off.
I do roughly 9 hours a day at work anyway plus all the hours of waking up / getting ready / travelling to work etc.

This is your life you’re living out, one day at a time.
Surely 4 days at work and 3 off sounds a much fairer balance?

Organised religion as a whole offends me to the very core. I mean that.
My opinion, perhaps not shared by the majority at this point but there we go, society won’t like it!

Sorry but I have an extreme amount of trouble tolerating (let alone respecting) anyone who puts a blind faith belief in something with no proof other than lame story based scriptures written by people who lived thousands of years ago. The worst type of people are the ones who don’t claim to believe but to “know” their made up god is fact and then start to badger and bully others with their beliefs.
Its all very well to believe in something that is completely made up if it gives you some sort of lame warm feeling and security, but do not impose it on other people!

Lets face it, just because you run out of answers for a certain situation and there-in lies a problem that you can not solve, the logical point of view is to research the facts or simply accept there are things we are not evolved enough to understand right now. Just plainly making up the answers when you run out of proof to very important questions and believing in imaginary friends is something that adults should avoid.

One of the worst things these idiotic beliving assholes do is brainwash their children into believing the same shit. On the risk of quoting someone like Dawkins verbatim here, there are no religious children. There is no such thing as a Christian child, a Catholic child, a Muslim child. There are merely children of religious parents. Parents that see fit not to let a child’s mind grow but smash their delicate little minds with hatred and made up stories that have no place in our current society. Bending a child’s will into submission by filling them with fear of a hell amounts to little more the child abuse, there can be no dispute about this. It’s a cruel method of control that will scare the living shit out of the poor bastards and will stay with them long into adulthood if done in an extreme enough fashion.

God as people like to think of him is supposedly both omnipotent and omniscient. An all seeing, all knowing being. Think about that for a second. If you are omniscient to the point where you know everything, all that ever was, all that ever will be, does that not logically completely negative omnipotence? If you already know everything that is going to happen in the future with 100% unquestionable certainty does that not remove all power to change it?

Surely if your so called God made you, what is the justification for being able to question that he exists in the first place, why do we have a built in thirst for the truth no matter where it may lie. Bit of a design flaw no? If you want to be able to blame everything bad or good on a made up existence of an all powerful being why do you have the power of reason to be able to question the authenticity of it? It makes no sense. God gives you the ability to be able to pleasure yourself, however should you dare do it its supposedly a “sin” because somehow the message has been passed on through time and the generations that, even though it feels good, God would be severely unhappy should you chose to shine that helmet or flick that bean. Even though its hurting no one in the process? Killing someone else who believes in another god however is to be encouraged and is perfectly faesable behaviour in the interests of purity and blasphemy. Suuuure, whatever. The total contradictive nature of what is and what isn’t acceptable in the bible or other scriptures is a joke.

The sooner this rediculous bullshit is erradicated from the Earth and given the “respect” it deserves, (i.e. none) the sooner we could let our children grow and develop their own ideas and ideals and move forward with science in trying to find the real answers that lie out there… waiting for our attention. There would hopefully be less wars (although people would probably still find *something* to fight about), more scientific progression and people would generally get on a lot better as we’d all be fighting for the same cause rather than clouding our minds with hatred and intolerance towards others purely because they have chosen to believe in something different.

Being an atheist does not make me a bad person, I stll have morals, I still have the ability to believe in right and wrong because I am a human being and I was brought up correctly. There is no need for religion as long as you are happy with yourself and have a thirst to find out real answers rather than relying on nasty bullshit handed down from generation to generation in an unquestioned nature.

Wake up world, please.

I wouldn’t want to deny anyone a living, in fact if a few enterprising young immigrants want to rise out of their government funded sofa-bed and do an honest days work I’m all for it. Really I am. It shows a lot more nouse than the majority of the Great British unwashed I can tell you. However, one thing that can not be condoned is imposing yourself on a person who’s only wish is to mind their own business.

As a top 8 percentile member of society (2007 Annual Survey of Hours and Earnings) I feel it’s my duty, on occasion, to offer drippings to the poor. Share the wealth. Spirit of the Dambusters, and all that. Picture this: I’m out for a Sunday blat with the roof stowed in the boot and a little number by G’n'R blaring in my ears. Pulling up at some Chelsea traffic lights I’m dutifully offered a windscreen clean. Embarrassed by the level of grime I accept, chuck ‘em a quid and continue on my way - a reasonable transaction. Though I’m sure this particular person is not concerned by the looming January 31st Self Assessment deadline I respect their right to make a few quid.

Unfortunately, the same person is a little less gracious when you’re not buying their services. Of course they’re foreign, but they need to understand ”no” means no. On a number of occasions I’ve declined their offer, and make no mistake, I was very clear - shaking my head and wagging my finger is the universal language of no. They do it anyway.

I rarely carry any cash, so even if my conscience gets the better of me and I decide to pay these pushy scrotes, most of the time I can’t. This is when it crosses the line from enterprising into a total hassle. Explaining that you don’t have any money falls on deaf ears and they are quickly joined by their disgruntled looking co-workers who motion at your pockets and wallet. I’m pretty sure I could take them down if needed, but that doesn’t stop it being mildly intimidating - I really don’t want my car damaged (accidentally or otherwise) by someone who is completely unaccountable. Surely, they must realise they only have themselves to blame? I wouldn’t program someone some software if they’d already told me they didn’t want it, and they weren’t willing to pay me.

I’m also mindful that handing over your hard-earned at the traffic lights is a crime. Sure, the Met aren’t going to throw up any roadblocks for me but I’m sure many aren’t comfortable funding this illegal industry and that discomfort needs to be respected. Indeed, some London councils have installed CCTV at traffic lights for this very reason.

So Red Light Windscreen Cleaners, if you’re reading this, stop behaving like cunts, eh?

How anyone can actually stand to listen to a single song from Jo Whiley’s set and not beat the living shit out of their own radio scares me. The fact that the stuff is POPULAR defies belief. IT ALL SOUNDS THE FUCKING SAME. Some lame ass pansy indie twat that can’t sing properly and their shitty lame band that never quite learnt to play their instruments properly. There is no passion or meaning here, just scene, just nonsensical bullshit that both offends and appeals to no one that isnt 14 or has more than 5 GCSEs. It goes without saying that people that never did GCSEs listen to trance/house and regularly visit Ibiza. The people that listen to this horse shit fall somewhere in between, so the majority of the population then.

(Edit - It’s been pointed out that intelligent people can like trance. This being the case I can’t say I’m shocked but I will adjust the classification to socially retarded / easily amused due to the NEED to take drugs to enjoy the highly repetetive boring music that is defined as progressive only because it has different random shit sounding samples layered over the top of it as the “track” progresses. I hope you’re fucking happy making me write this much as an edit you bunch of TWATS)

After its all over, radio only intact from finding the off switch earlier on, you find yourself in the car and turn on to listen in later for Zane “cocksmith” Lowe the biggest sell out of them all. Whiley is a whore, I can only imagine she pretends to like this new wave of shite to get paid because she’s a minor celeb and has a good celeb style 3 hour a day job. Lowe however is worse, he genuinely had an interest in music before all this new wave of shit comes along and his entire show is now ruined because it is plagued to the back fucking teeth with the SAME BORING, INANE, PASSIONLESS, UNTALENTED SHITE that all sounds the same and has already been played 25 times that day already. Plus he acts like he’s genuinely excited about this innofensive bullshit. The man that obviously wants to get compared to John Peel in his passion will sadly never get there only to be henceforth known as a pussy useless sell out cunt.

Lets not be too hasty though… if you had a top job as a Radio 1 DJ you’d be a bit of a fool to sell it out for your morals. People wouldn’t give a shit and you’d have probably not got that far in the first place. Getting paid a 6 figure salary at a place like the BBC with your own shown isn’t something to be snubbed, even if it does make you die inside every time you need to act like you’re interested in the next shit band to walk through the door. So who’s fault is it really?

I guess then this goes out to all of you out of touch corporate pricks at Radio 1 that call the shots, you’re the worst thing that has happened to music since bands like The Killers, The Kaiser Chiefs, The Racontuers, My Bloody Valentine, The Rapture, The Libertines, The Stone Roses, Klaxons, Kasabian, Fall out Boy, The Stone Roses, The Verv, Arctic Monkeys, Cold Play, Nickleback, Babyshambles, Razorlight, Hadoken, Panic at the Disco, Avenged Sevenfold, Keane (Oh fucking HELL I hate Keane) ever came into existence in the first place. To name a few anyway, these are just some of the faggot bands that rage me to a point of needing to stove in the nearest person who dares look at me in a funny way.

The correct responce by any musical representative, and indeed anyone deliberately listening to such bands in the first instance should of been that of hilarity and rigorous, offensive-as-fuck piss taking / insults because quite frankly that is all they deserve.

Is fucking retarded.  To all those who’re aiding the spread of this sickeningly filthy phenomenon: SPEAK ENGLISH YOU ILLITERATE TWATS.

I can’t fucking stand people on the road who don’t say thanks when you stop / slowdown to let them through.
Just driving off without so much as a look, as if you don’t exist at all. How hard is it to put your hand up and say thanks you shitly brought up selfish self obsessed cunts.

Vista seems to be doing well in the rage steaks right now so why let up?

Vista Search is the biggest pile of WANK I think I’ve ever used in my life.
The ability to search for content within files is hidden completely and relies on you turning on fiddly checkbox options and even further, extra options that only come up once you’ve searched already and failed.

What prick out there decided that by default the search would only encapsulate “indexed items” is beyond belief. If any normal lame user out there without a clue about computers decided to dare save a file in a non indexed location and then tried to search for it, i’d be as good as deleting it on exit for some people.

This raged me in particular for more than one reason, after hiding away the option to automatically search within files (and doing a fucking good job of making it complicated as hell to read too once you’ve found it)  and obscuring the path selector tool the fucking search engine seems to be utterly incapable of finding ANYTHING. Even if you know it exists. Even if you have to find the fucking content you want yourself, have it open plain as day in notepad++ (for pros) and its sat there fucking highlighted.

It gets better though, by default your lovely outlook email folder is added to the list of files that are supposed to be indexed. However if you try and search for emails or content of emails it will bring up nothing but declare “there are still files waiting to be indexed”. Well thats fucking great isn’t it, so after a little while of hunting you find the indexing options in the control panel and remove and re-add the outlook folder. It still sits on “x amount of files out of y files indexed” where x is most certainly equal to 0 and y is the amount of emails you have in the folder.

The reason for this? Some smart tosser at microsoft decided that file indexing took up too much … too much of something, time, electricity, power, resources? The thing that raged me THE MOST about this is indexing by default in vista business anyway, is switched off. Not under indexing options or anything like that, its turned off under the default POWER SCHEME for the operating system. Would anyone, ANYONE AT ALL be inclined to wonder if their energy saving scheme was stopping an integral and highly marketed part of Vista? By default?

The thing that then raged me even further was once the power scheme was changed back to “Always on” and the indexing kicked in, my oustanding 10,000 odd items were indexed in under 3 seconds. SO THAT REALLY IS GOING TO SAVE A HELL OF A LOT OF FUCKING ENERGY ISNT IT. Just set an option on the client not to index remote items by default if that really is going to be an issue, but dont OMIT LOCAL FILES. The amount of energy I expended in sheer rage at this line of events was probably ~= 5 hydrogen bombs.

XP had 3 boxes in its search engine, when you got rid of that fucking yellow prick mutt anyway and it was very simple and effective to use. Before that specific service pack that fucked it all up but hey. One box for the file name, wildcards accepted, one box for the string of text you wanted to find in the file, and one fucking box for the path to the file WHICH YOU COULD TYPE INTO. I love the way the useless fucks have utterly over complicated and by default broken someone so integral into their OS which we were all led to believe was a major selling point.

Stupid, stupid jew mother fuckers.
At this rate I’m going back to XP x64 or getting off Windows alltogether. I’d have done it by now too except I’m a gamer.